And that's a real narcissist for you. I still surprisingly carried my unresolved secondary school trauma with me in my pocket - don't know how.
After years of misery, no stimulation, no meaning of life - I realized I needed to come back to London. I had hanged a written quote by Lord Alan Sugar's top 10 tips saying: 'your destiny is in your hands'.
I taught locals from age 8 - 45 years English for 900 rubles per week (£9 approx) and saved enough to fly back at 17 years old in May 2019.
Furthermore, I carried a lot of weight on my back for many years, doing my best to look after myself as a vulnerable young person after delays, deliberations and much destructiveness.
But here I am at 20 - fully in control and studying Media. I am determined to be somebody big.
To my young people, please build yourself and value your freedom - you only attract what you are around. It's never too late to go back to school; time flies. Life is truly what you make it.
Here are some of my tips if you are a young person living alone in London, but also ANYWHERE...
1. Turn Pain Into Passion.
I cannot address how many times I stared at still ceilings or vibrant sights from windows allowing trafficked thoughts to overtake me. Just by typing away my essays, journaling, drawing, scrapbooking, reading and completing assignments helped me to transform trauma into a beautiful flower. Study something, join a free course to build your skills, tender to your hobbies- you will love yourself even more for it and feel the power from within. It will give you freedom, attract the right types of people and fling open doors without you realizing.
2. Only go out if you 100% feel safe.
I recently was shoved on the street by a man walking by. He was probably intoxicated with something, but more or less - people are monsters and most lack empathy. Please be aware of your surroundings. Ladies, please cover yourself more. London is getting so much worse. Shorten your circle, because so many people that you call 'friends' thrive off of your problems. Why are they there when you talk about a guy, but couldn't care less when you achieve success?
When I was in Russia, they ghosted me, but when I came back - they all hurdled like dogs, wanting to know my struggles. Lame.
So many people are energy vampires. Have you noticed friends/partners after being around you, their life going up and their confidence soaring, seeming like they do not need you, but when you loose yourself from uplifting them - they pretend to not have a clue, leaving without a thank you. Hmm, maybe too much narcissism around here.
Saying nothing is actually saying everything.
'A friend in need, is a friend indeed'.
3.Work Smarter - Not Harder.
If you truly enjoy something, study something in that field, put your time in perfecting it (there's many free opportunities - just search) because you do not want to trap yourself in a course/degree/job that you hate to wake up to. I 100% advocate on the behalf that if you do what pleases others constantly, you will despise waking up or going to sleep, dragging yourself to places. Moreover, if you enjoy something, you will be the first dashing out of the door everyday or thrilled to work on something that contributes to your success. Everyone has their opinions, everyone always wants to tell you what to do or what they think is best, but you walk your own shoes and speak with your own voice. Please do not disclose your personal life to anybody because they will use it against you in every way possible, I promise you that.
I actually reveal my life to the world just to see what kind of responses I get - it's amusing how people wear so many masks.
In conclusion, be selfish for yourself. Dress nice for yourself, cook for yourself, make your home space fancy, educate yourself, go out for yourself. You deserve it. Please make sure that all your energy goes into building yourself, as I keep STRESSING. Some people really drain you, your recourses and your potential. What is better? directing your energy into a positive outcome such as your mental wellbeing, your goals and general happiness - or being the shadow to somebody else's light?
I hope I helped somebody.
Trauma never leaves you. But you can always show who the boss really is.
I have always wanted to blog; to bring my buried thoughts to life.
Thanks for reading.
Lots of love,
Maria K x