Poor Simon Cowell is probably still nursing swollen feet from his barefoot jaunt in LA. To rub salt to his corns, Strictly Come Dancing thrashed the X-factor in the ratings war last weekend.
I wonder what he's going to try next. Perhaps shimming down Oxford Street in nothing but a grass skirt? Considering he hitches his trousers way above his navel, God forbid he does the same with his grass skirt - we will all probably see more shimming than we bargain for!
I think it is time for him to accept that the X-factor is edging towards the last letter of the alphabet Zzzzzz.
Talking of shimming, Strictly is back! Last week didn't disappoint. The judges were their usual selves. Bruno was theatrical and mocking in equal measure, Darcey was encouraging from her perch on the fence and Craig brought his sledge hammer as always.
New judge Shirley Ballas was a breath of fresh air and appeared quite unbiased. I would like to say that I missed Len Goodman but these last couple of years he could get quite grumpy. Almost as if someone was pickling his walnuts live on television.
On last Saturday's show, Reverend Richard descended from a cloud and then alternated between flapping around like a fallen angel and politely shooing locusts away. The only way for him is up and if all else fails, he can get back on his cloud again.
Debbie McGee did most women of a certain age, proud. The routine involved an eye watering split and a high kick to Kilimanjaro and back, which ended in a smack on the lips between her and Giovanni. Apparently, it was unrehearsed and unexpected.
Ms. McGee later said that she got carried away in the moment. Poor Giovanni must be wondering what unexpected delights Ms McGee has in store for him at the end of their routine tonight. I can't wait for this evening's show!
Until next week, try and keep it light.
Hilarious! Indeed, in my opinion, X Factor has gone passed it's sell-by date