Could you first introduce yourself to the reader?
My name is Patrick Turpin – I'm an 'ahtor, wryturrr, and comedjun. [sic]
How would you describe your show?
Itty Bitty Little Titty Piece is an hour of stand up, masquerading as performance art.
Across the hour I plan a stag do, perform part of the nativity story, drink some delicious drinks. It's all very frothy and faux-thespy. It's about being yourself really – and trying not to be too apologetic about it, if that's ok? Is it ok? Please say that's ok!?
Why do you want to perform at Edinburgh Festival Fringe?
Because I love hot hot summers, and well-ventilated venues.
What differentiates it from other festivals?
Its size? The fact that its streets are stalked by spirits, ghouls, and ghastlies!
Do you think the Fringe has changed over the years? If so, how? Are these changes positive or negative?
OH but of course! It's got larger. It's more accessible in parts, less accessible in others. I don't think you can really apply broad brushstrokes and righteously decree 'good' or 'bad'.
The performers still carry the predominant financial burden – which is obviously not good.
What first motivated you to enter the industry? Who were your inspirations?
The promise of oral sex. Liberace was my spirit guide.
If you didn't have your current job, what would you probably be doing?
I would be a toilet-seat warmer for a Russian oligarch. My cheeks are white-hot.
If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
An interpretive dancer on a Qatari billionaire's yacht. It hits 8pm and as the sun starts to drool across the horizon, there's Turpy – warts and all – writhing on the top deck to the latest Euro club banger.
What is your earliest childhood art memory?
I went to see Bambi with my grandad when I was about 5? Probably that.
Do you ever feel any pressure to be a social commentator, or constantly update material to respond to events?
I think that sort of pressure is usually self-inflicted. I think if something huge happens that the audience is obviously thinking about, it would be weird not to mention it. But ultimately you can talk about whatever you want.
Equally, do you think there has been a shift in public sentiment that has affected your work?
I think there is a yearning for a basic level of kindness across everything. I think people are bored of the 'cruel-to-be-kind' or 'necessary evil' conceits.
I was always a sweet boy – so no changes for sweet old Turpleton.
Describe the last year in 5 words or less?
If you could work with anybody, from any point in history, who would you pick and why?
Eva Braun – cause I wanna ask what she saw in him.
Why would a performer opt to do either a ticketed event or participate in the free fringe? What are the benefits and limitations of both?
I've always been free – but this year I decided to go paid. I dunno really. It's fun to offer something good for nothing… but it's also fun to value your horseplay at more than £0.
WE SHALL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to take a show up to the fringe?
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.
When and where can people see your show?
Underbelly Cowgate, 10.40pm, 3-27 Aug (not 14)
And where can people find, follow and like you online?
Patrick Turpin: Itty Bitty Little Titty Piece is performing at Underbelly Cowgate at 22:40 on 3rd – 27th (not 14th). For tickets and more information visit the Ed Fringe website.