The alarm bells should’ve started ringing right away. 7th November was way too early to be watching a new Christmas movie. But that’s when Warner Bros had decided to unleash Red One upon the world – a big-money festive action-comedy led by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Chris “Captain America” Evans. What could go wrong?
Well, everything went wrong. Red One – which is now streaming on Amazon Prime Video at a much more appropriate time of year – isn’t just a terrible film. It’s a straight-up affront to everything that is beautiful and sacred about the unique art of Christmas movies.
But for the uninitiated, let me catch you up a little. Red One imagines the North Pole as a sort of quasi-militarised operation, with Santa Claus (JK Simmons) supported by an enormous mega-corporation and his own security force. The leader of this security force is Callum Drift (Johnson). When a nefarious villain kidnaps Santa, Callum is forced to bond with scumbag hacker – and veteran of Santa’s naughty list – Jack O’Malley (Evans) in order to get the big guy back in time for Christmas.
It all sounds like the setup for a perfectly decent slice of festive fodder – albeit one with a budget big enough to make Love Actually five times. The problem is that Red One seems to either hate Christmas or fundamentally misunderstand it as a concept. Compare this version of the North Pole – a bland, militaristic warehouse akin to every Marvel HQ or spy base – to the utopian, colourful wonderlands of movies like Elf and The Santa Clause and you’ll begin to see the issue. By the time you realise that Santa Claus’ red suit is actually a “cool” burgundy that accentuates his super-jacked body, the problem will be yelling itself right into your face.
Red One understands what Christmas is – hence the enormous polar bear, the sleigh, the appearance of Krampus etc – but it doesn’t understand what the festive season should feel like. It’s a Christmas movie, but it’s not Christmassy in any way. No amount of Michael Buble can paper over how bland and soulless this take on the festive season is. As the Empire Magazine journalist – and Christmas movie expert – Helen O’Hara put it so brilliantly in a post on Bluesky: “It made me feel like Christmas is just IP, which I get is how these execs think, but it shouldn't feel that way.”
The movie simply radiates cynicism. It has the same, self-consciously quippy “so that happened?” sense of humour of every major blockbuster of the last five years, which is entirely incompatible with the earnestness of Christmas. And did I mention that hateful burgundy suit?
Fortunately, there is an antidote to all of this blockbuster cynicism to be found over at Netflix. In among all of the streamer’s usual festive romcoms – will the overly stressed career woman discover the true meaning of Christmas thanks to the dashing handyman in a checked shirt fixing her cottage roof? – is the delightful animated movie That Christmas.
Written by Love Actually filmmaker Richard Curtis – based on his own children’s books – it tells the various stories of the residents of fictional British town Wellington-on-Sea during a particularly stormy December. It radiates charm from every pore with the help of a terrific cast of British sitcom stars – including recent Doctor Who leading lady Jodie Whittaker – and, more importantly, overflows with that Christmassy feeling that’s so absent from Red One. Try not to tear up when Whittaker’s character – a hard-working nurse/carer – gets a special Christmas Day treat from her son, I dare you.
Films like That Christmas are what this time of year is all about. Red One, on the other hand, is a crass, commercial exercise in trying to turn the festive season into the next tentpole franchise. Nobody needs to see "North Pole: Endgame" any time soon, thank you very much. I’d rather just watch Elf again.
Red One is streaming now on Prime Video, while That Christmas is on Netflix. If you want more festive fun, check out the Voice Christmas Quiz now to test your knowledge.
An article written by Scrooge. It's a fun, Christmas-themed action movie, without the standard smarm of most holiday movies.
Loved it!