My Spoken Word Challenge! Feedback Needed!

For my unit 1 challenge I have decided to throw my hand in Spoken Word/Poetry writing. I would love to hear your feedback on a couple of my pieces :)

This first piece is extremely personal. Two years ago, I was involved in the Manchester Attack. It's something I haven't been able to talk about for a long time as trying to understand the events that happened that night was more difficult than I ever imagined. Around about the time of the second anniversary of the attack in May I decided to channel my thoughts through poetry. 

Life's Music

Life is like music

Hip hop bops, steady rocks

All fighting our way to the top. 

We dance together

The feeling of freedom

Clap your hands together 

A way to feel alive

A moment to last forever 

Boom... boom... boom.

A record scratched 

A mic drops

The beat. A heartbeat

Turns into heartbreak 

We’re moving but not dancing

I’m holding your hand but we’re not clapping

A second feels like forever 

I hear a symphony of souls 

Where was your sympathy?

What rhythm was your heart beating or was it beating at all?

The music softens

A gospel prayer

The choir sings

The organ drones

He hold hands for strength 

We march on to our own drum

Singing the songs of your life to the world

I hum to your tunes with guilt and sorrow

Why should I dance into tomorrow

But through an act of hate you’ve taught the world how to love 

Life is like music. I dedicate my song to the 22 stars up above.

This second piece is just a funny little piece that I wrote during my break at work - enjoy!:)

Come on, Wake Up

We’re a burnt out generation

Can’t enjoy relaxation

Can’t sleep 40 winks 

when I’ve tried counting 40 sheep 

The warmth of the covers from head to toe 

But I’m buzzing in my brain from buzzes from my phone

Why am I so tired?

Is it the way us millennials are wired?

Always getting fired-

Up and out

Again

And again

And again

Routined out my brain

I’m knackered

Time for bed.

I would love to hear your feedback to put in my Gold Portfolio - Thanks!

Author

Jess McGlinchey

Jess McGlinchey

This author has no bio :(

2 Comments

  • Sienna James

    On 19 September 2019, 17:26 Sienna James Assistant Editor commented:

    Jess, this is brave and poignant and impressive. I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep it up! :)

  • Oluwatayo Adewole

    On 24 September 2019, 11:04 Oluwatayo Adewole Contributor commented:

    Hey, this is super brave and powerful. I'm glad you've found poetry as a method of self-expression!

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