"Strong and Stable Leadership."
"Brexit means Brexit."
Sound bites May bombarded us with during the election and the 10 months prior. While, at the time, we believed these to be mere platitudes, they are actually as coherent a plan as we have really been offered and that is political genius.
Imagine the ensuing drama had May offered a solid, tangible plan to Brexit. It would undermine her negotiating position and her ability to utilise her best political tactic - the flip-flop.
Her election campaign was undermined by the press reporting her as unstable; U-turning on essentially every manifesto pledge. A manifesto that appears to have been binned entirely if the Queen's speech is anything to go by.
But I posit that this isn't U-turning. This is May flexing her political might by demonstrating her amenability and pragmatism; able to think on her feet and throw political curveballs. Imagine her sitting in Brussels, demanding something one day and then completely reversing her decision the next. Genius! The EU won't know what hit them. Success is guaranteed.
Yes, in general, people seem fixated on the negatives without seeing the positives.
Yes, this political uncertainty has caused our currency to slump 20%, making imports, food, electronics, and holidays more expensive. But that means we can instead capitalise on the tourist market…. if we can only convince them we aren't isolationist, xenophobic and intolerant of anyone who doesn't have gravy pumping through their veins and a Nigel Farage picture in their wallet.
Yes, there has been validation and perpetuation of intolerance, resulting in an increase in racially motivated attacks in Britain. People say this is a bad thing, but it's simply another shrewd political move to make Britain more similar to our key ally - the United States. Trump will see the work we are doing to deter anyone coming over and will be sure to give us a trade deal. Until he revokes it because someone tweeted something nasty at him, that is.
Even her weak demeanour in the House of Commons is all a clever rouse. Everyone loves a good underdog story - we've seen that much in Corbyn. Theresa May is now positioning herself as the underdog - constantly attacked by Comrade Corbyn until everyone sees just how unfair it all is. Already the press is turning on her, which is all part of the master plan to mobilise people against the mainstream media.
Follow this thread to its evident conclusion and we can see that Theresa May, our knight in Amanda Wakeley armour, is actually getting ready to deliver the biggest political bombshell of our generation - Britain's support and active membership to the EU.
Think about it. We have been an EU member since 1973 and to say we've been an awkward member is perhaps an understatement. Demanding rebates, refusing to incorporate EU law in a timely manner, and expecting numerous opt-outs, we have been a complete pain in the arse. Additionally, the public has grown increasingly skeptical about the EU and that obviously came to a head in the referendum where the overwhelming majority by 4% voted to leave.
So imagine the political acumen required to turn public perception of the EU around to the point where staying in feels like a compelling option. Already we are seeing that people are growing increasingly concerned about how the negotiations are(n't) being handled, and worried about how their standard of living has been affected. Once May starts talking about ripping up our human rights and disregarding food standards, environmental and consumer protection and privacy, we will surely be begging to stay in. After all, who really needs fire and building regulations? It's just political red-tape designed to stand in the way of progress!
May's ineptitude over this matter is a political sacrifice to steer public perception back in favour of staying in the EU. By this point she will be highly versed in the art of 'U-turning' to agree the best possible deal for us… one that is slightly worse than the one we have.
Given the complexity and selflessness required to implement such a masterful stroke of political ineptitude, I have come to the conclusion that only Theresa May, with her cold, misanthropic personality, can lead us to the best possible Brexit. The one where we never leave.